the pelican

once more with feeling

change

is in the air on the move on the go in the midst and all around

leaves turning red sox winning weather changing world spinning volcanoes burping

perspectives shifting

the sound byte armies grow nervous and desperate as worn out messages ring hollow against the clash of the reality of war

it's a wild ride of ups and downs polls and flu shots apples and oranges reds and blues tricks and treats

and war and war and war and war

and everything shifts on a pitch

or a play

a precarious dance

shuddering and standing on the brink on the edge at the cliff

at the turning of seasons and the passing of the flowers and the waning of the light

and peering into the chasm of death

trembling

trembling

in the twilight at the portal in the space between the worlds

pause for a second

and touch the earth for grounding

remember inside deep inside at the heart where life stays warm and moist at the roots underground underground underground

fear will depart though shadows grow

today's sun is bright

but tomorrow may snow

everything passes

anything can happen

let go

posted by: limine at 11:11 | link | comments (9) |

in my e-mail this morning:

Sign In A Science Teacher's Room:

If It Moves, It's Biology.

If It Stinks, It's Chemistry.

If It Doesn't Work, It's Physics.

 

posted by: limine at 09:44 | link | comments (5) |

a heart to heart

heart to mind. mind to heart. heart mind.  

ok ok so i feel a lecture building. in my chest. in my gut. i've let this in under my skin and now it's going to have to work its way out somehow. in the throes of this, when this sort of build begins to spew, is often when eyes glaze over, drool seeps out of the corners of mouths and it's that time when my sister simply says to me "lecture lecture blah blah blah."

however.

to say that someone speaks from the heart, is generally intended to mean that what has been said is felt deeply at the core. instinctual, intuitive and somehow rings true. heart-felt speech is recognized for what it is when it is heard because even if the listener may not agree with what is being said, nevertheless they feel moved by the communication because they recognize the intention as genuine. heart-felt speech stretches beyond the chatter of minds and touches the very place from whence it came. the place we all share. the place where we are one.

frustration and irritation does not come from the heart. name-calling does not come from the heart. war does not come from the heart. nor do anxious agitated scattered and scrambled repetitive sound bytes. that is not heart. it is just nervous mind chatter. we all have it. and essentially, it is mostly just fear of nothingness and the need to fill a void. the need to be right. brain waves banging about in the head guided only by the ego in some desperate attempt to justify itself and its so very important individual identity.

it is said that when Carl Jung first met a native american, he had a major realization about the depth and extent of what has been called the heart/mind split in western civilization. when discussing what was seen at the time as perhaps an unresolvable difference between the white man and the native american, the indian he was speaking to said white men speak and think from their heads. and Jung said well of course, that's where thinking takes place, of course we must use our brains. rationality. reason. all that. where do you think from? and the indian said in here. pointing to his chest. his heart.

and then it got him. got Jung clean through the heart and he knew. he just knew. he just got it right then. he had an ah hah moment. and it came from his heart. and that's when he realized just how deep this separation, this split, this internal war in the western soul had become.

some say it was caused by dogma and church doctrine that was used to frighten people into conforming beliefs through guilt and fear. some say it was caused by a intense attempt to control the desires of the flesh in an imagined dicotomy of flesh and spirit. some say it was caused by the chasms of thought between rationality and empiricism. some say it was the church's intolerance of science and the innate desire for discovery of information that could not be controlled or mandated. some say it was caused by severe materialism and an alienation from the natural world in a mindset that believed nature and living things were commodities to be used and disposed of at will. some say it was the natural result of conquering cultures and eventual industrialization. some say it was caused by the dark ages. some say it is the inevitable psychosis of a belief in a god "out there" instead of "in here." some say it is just evolution, and that as humans evolve, they become more "intellectual." some say it is the ignorance of the ego. some say it is the result of a division within social classes, of haves and have nots, where individuals are allowed to fit in as structured by a society, rather than of their own choosing or creation. some say it is merely a growing lack of compassion for the suffering of others. some even try to pin it on Decartes' cogito.

well everybody has a theory. and everybody has fingers to point. but one thing is agreed, and that is that there appears to be a great sickness in the soul of the western world that has resulted in some sort of separation or cut-off. a disconnect between the heart and mind.

which has allowed for great, as some would call it, mind-control. for a mind, if not in synch with its own heart, is quite easily spun out and coerced. there can be no thinking for the self, as the self has been tuned out, and only ego busy busy thinking worrying ego panic has control. been there done that and would not recommend it. it's like walking around entirely in your head, in some sort of complete separation, in a false purely intellectual space without a connection to reality or authenticity.

and it seems as though there is a complete heart/mind split.

as if this were really even possible.

i mean, maybe that's purely delusional as well, ultimately.

maybe it's really just a metaphor for a false intellectualization of reality. for ignorance bred from fear of the unknown. a fear of passion and emotion. or an attempt to manipulate and control the passions, coersion. the exploitation of insecurity and the power that results.

a lack of knowledge of the self, the true self, and so lost in ideas about what one should be.

whatever. but it does seem to have happened. just look around.

and believing so, acknowledging this separation as possible creates a sense that the heart and mind are two separate independent functions.

maybe it all started by putting faith entirely in the wisdom of others rather than knowing and teaching each other that we must find truth within ourselves.

as if knowledge could only reside out there instead of in here. as if only certain ones know the "truth," and it is secret,  kept from you because you are not qualified to undersand. thus you must listen to authority. it shall be dictated to you by those who know and you will not have to think for yourself, but simply do as you are taught. because you need guidance.

and then this abuse of trust has manifested itself in a love/hate war with authority and power, whether it is weilded by government or church or business or money or science or politics. 

now, i'm not dissing learning or anything of the sort. in fact teachers are some of my most favorite sorts of people because i love to learn new stuff. because there is so much to learn from others, from everyone. and i can't stand it when people tell me to put away my books and not be so "intellectual" and philosophy is meaningless or any of that stuff. what a load of hooey. we know they're just too lazy or not interested enough to investigate it for themselves.

but there has to be a place inside -- when you're learning -- where you feel what you have learned from the inside to discover whether or not it is true for you. not just because so and so said so, but because you opened yourself to it, let it in, let it in under the skin and let it percolate around for a while. let it marinate in your own juices and feel it out.

when i was in school as a philosophy major, i was the only female student in the department, and was often accused of arguing too emotionally. in fact, in retrospect, although i was a bit passioniate about certain things, i was often just as logical as they were, except they were men. and, most of them were way up in their heads -- or their heads were way up -- or -- well -- uh . . let's just say they were like purely intellectual, logical, etc. and it was an ego trip for them -- our long philosophical discussions were attempts for them to show off or compete with each other, rather than attempts at understanding. which is what i was interested in doing. not always of course, but often it would just boil down to that.

and i became very disillusioned and came to the conclusion that all of philosophy was just some big ego wanking trip. i doubted my own intentions and assumed i was just the same, and probably just refusing to see it.  and often, more often than i might like to admit, perhaps i was.

and that was a great mistake. because after school and over time, more than anything, i missed studying philosophy. and personally, i loved philosophy because it sings to me. quite literally sings. can't describe it any other way, but it is very much like the experience of music. when it is good, and it is heart felt, it sings to my heart and soul. it speaks of the great love of philosophers who made it their life's work to try to understand, to be, to know and to communicate it -- what great lengths they went to communicate.

i mean, there are those who can only quote sources, as though this gives them authority. they may be terribly knowledgable. but they just seem to regurgitate.

and then there are those who quote sources because they understand the sources from which they are quoting, felt it within themselves. and you can spot them right away. because you can feel whether there is heart in it or whether it is merely a rationalization or justification. it might be quite clever, but it will be only that. clever.

and nothing is more frustrating than being told, when you feel it in your heart, by someone who is most likely purely in their head, that you yourself are being too intellectual and have changed your mind too many times or have been too relativistic to have made any real sense or have any solid points.

AURG.

everybody wants to believe they are the ones who know best for everybody else. while ultimately, nobody trusts themselves and that they could possibly know anything on their own. myabe it was just that everybody else was doing it. seemed fashionable at the time. better to do what is accepted and acknowledged. 

and doesn't it seem that nine times out of ten, somebody who is absolutely certain they are right, is hiding their fear and guilt of ignorance in self righteousness? they're actually quite petrified inside, believing that they too are ultimately clueless, not even understanding how they came to believe the things that they do.

heck i'm relatively clueless, but by gum i'm looking into it, see.  

like the emperor's new clothes. they just never even bothered to examine how they came to have the judgments that they do.

were their assumptions learned? was it family? environment? school? was it purely genetic? chemical? did they know this first hand from experience? and if their experience was unfavorable or uncomfortable, did they close themselves off to all similar experience? did they try and fail? did they use force? were they bullied, threatened, intimidated? was it based purely on reward and punishment? was it tradition? was it behavioral? are they repeating it out of pure repetition? was it just a fad?

ever stopped to wonder how they come to know and believe things so certainly and emphatically?

because when you feel it in your heart, it doesn't matter the slightest if nobody agrees with you. you're standing in your own truth. but if it's just some mind thang, some ego assumption of right-hood, well, it's a precarious cliff you dangle from, and it might just look terrifying to be the fool.

and if it's purely an ego thing, then admitting you might not have made the right decision, might not be an option.

when it's purely ego, changing positions, or recognizing how to re-think things, or what to do about mistakes can become a battle of wills. some sort of insistence. blind arrogance. as if to even consider other options would somehow be weak.

but true weakness is inflexibility. the sort that would lead to force, violence. that is a true weakness of character, not being able to change your mind, acknowledge other ways to go about things. admitting maybe you were wrong about an assumption or an idea or a conclusion. unable to take in conflicting information and entertain possibility. that would be weakness because that is what we call stubborn to a fault. oh it's a precarious existence this ego, and it is threatened. so threatened.  

then it is not a strength to hold that position, doing violence to opposing views, then it is purely an unwillingness to be open or compassionate or admit contraries or entertain another point of view.

being certain, being absolutely positive, is quite often, simply being closed off to various interpretations. to understanding alternative perspectives. to realization. to true learning. to possibility. to adaptation.

being certain and the need to be right is a reaction inside a frightened mind that believes it has separated itself from its heart. it believes it has thought it out and knows what is what. it is a reaction to the fear of the possibility of not knowing. of appearing a fool. of acknowledging how much there is to not be certain of.

but the heart is still there. and it is crying out to love and be loved. to be heard. and it manifests its suffocation in the mind in a fit rattling the ego into fits of frustration and agitation.

when the heart is ignored and denied, it becomes ill. sour. cynical. fashionably depressed. bored. angry. quick to defend itself. easily hurt. easily wounded. disconnected. unhappy. isolated. distant. irritable. nervous. anxious.

but if the heart is given expression, it can manifest itself in many beautiful ways. it guides the mind in art. in poetry. in music. in relationships.

true service comes from the heart. generosity of spirit comes from the heart. acceptance of the self and others comes from the heart. the desire for peace and harmony comes from the heart. the inner knowledge of our own true nature resides in the heart.

and the ability to admit you have made a mistake, the ability to change your mind, the ability to question your own motives and examine your own motivations comes from the heart.

from the heart comes most of the things that can not be logically or rationally explained, determined, dissected, or made concrete sense out of.

and in my experience, when i have heard people speak from the heart, it has come from a place of  . . . well from an inner soul. an inner light. a place of awareness and knowing, and often it presents with a sense of mystery and awe. a natural eloquence that is at once both full of the right words, and beyond words. it just shines.

because it is love.

and it has nothing to prove.

and that is all.

lecture out.

 

posted by: limine at 16:30 | link | comments (7) |

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