the pelican

once more with feeling

the thing about the fussy bookkeeper

is that i love her.

i mean, she drives me completely insane sometimes, but she has to. she's teaching me about patience.

she is so very fussy.

but then bookkeepers by their very natures (if they're any good at all) are fussy. they have to be.

they worry about so many details, they have so much to take care of and be responsible for.

they turn a business into a series of manageable numbers. numbers that add up and balance out and make sense. they rectify. they calculate. they keep track. they keep score.

the fussy bookkeeper i work with worries about all the stuff that nobody, not even the business owners themselves want to worry about. and she is responsible for great pieces of others' lives. their personal information. their identities. their health insurance. their direct deposits. their livelihood.

she has a way of doing things. she keeps her files a certain way. she knows the only way to do things is the way they should be done. she has a system. she has a program. she runs the till. calls the shots. directs the show.

and she's been doing it her way for eighteen years.

she is 70 years old. she has hearing aids. she is getting her teeth x-rayed. she has grandchildren she takes care of and helps out financially. she keeps a clean house and makes dinner for her husband and takes a bible study course every week.

and she is afraid of her computer and she gets confused by her e-mail and she doesn't like to talk on the phone and everything upsets her. the chaos, the confusion, the comings and goings of employees, the things that only she can keep track of if they get just ever so slightly out of whack, if the order is threatened, if the rhythm is interrupted, if somebody needs something special, if somebody gets a raise, if somebody needs to shift some things around, if someone needs something done other than the only way it can possibly be done correctly the only way it should be done well look out.

and so she needs caring. she needs to be listened to. she needs to feel appreciated. she needs assistance. she needs someone to write her letters. she needs someone to help her with her e-mail. she needs someone to find her files on her computer. she needs someone to help her with what she fears she can't keep doing forever but she can't let go of either.

she says she stays "with it" by doing work. she says this helps her keep all her marbles.

oh she can transfer funds from the trust to the operating account and she can keep track of all the client costs and she can do the billing for the hourly cases and she can do all the payroll and she can keep track of the money on the postage machine and all the employees' families dental insurance renewals and the malpractice insurance and the building lease and the employees' hours and vacation time accrual and pay for the office supplies and keep track of the law library subscriptions and she does her physical therapy and makes her doctor appointments and she comes to work everyday and does it all over again, no matter what.

and she holds it all together and she never misses a beat.

and i have been entrusted to help her out. back her up. help out with the office stuff. do some of the office management stuff for which there is essentially no manager.

and i am not precise and exact and immaculate as a fussy bookkeeper and i will never ever ever live up to her fussy bookkeeper standards. never be able to make her happy with whatever it is that i do when she's not present. never have everything the way it should be done in the fussy way. 

on the other hand, i will have to do things on the fly, in a whirl, in the midst, while multi-tasking. not because i want to, necessarily, but because there is no other way. she is part time, i am full time. she is a bookkeeper. i am a paralegal. she has been at this firm for many years, i have not quite been there two. she knows everything, i am clueless. she is in charge of the money. i have a caseload.

and i am to help her out and back her up not because i am in some way qualified to do this, but because nobody else wants to do it and because for some reason they trust me to take care of her. take care of her business. take care of their business with her, beside her. to take care.

and she is integral. she is indispensable. she is essential.

and she is a pain in the ass.

and she is my friend.

and i am scared to death that i have let her down. or will let her down. will do something wrong. not have time for her. lose my patience. lose my grip. snap crackle pop.

because the thing about the fussy bookkeeper is that i love her.

posted by: limine at 22:48 | link | comments (1) |

Comments:

#1  10 January 2006 - 04:39

 

This is a lovely portrait, J. I think we've all worked with someone like this. Mine was a 70-something lady responsible for cataloging gov docs in a university library; I was responsible for shelving them. Her daughter was once head librarian there; I was a student assistant. She played solitaire on her breaks so that she could learn how to use the mouse and thus continue to work three days a week. She worked because she was afraid she'd become one of those "little old ladies with empty bottles sitting by the curb," but we all knew that would never be the case with her. She was often a pain; she always needed me right then; she had no patience with disorder. I miss her terribly.

InMyLife

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