the pelican

once more with feeling

just trying to focus

yeah it's all a cliche i know but sometimes it feels like i am desperately motion sick on the merry-go-round and i just want it all to stop and other times if is as if i am chasing after it trying to jump on and catch a ride.

feels like a layer has been torn shredded peeled back perhaps a bit prematurely and the exposed bits are sore and raw. tingly and hypersensitive to the breeze.

exhaustion. there is an overwhelming need to sleep. in a dark cave. for a long time.

yet, there is something that compels me to continue looking into it further.

is this analysis or just intellectualization? must it all be rationalized? some brain machinery seems to be working overtime because the pressure gauge is set on "must make sense."

maybe the distance, the attempt to watch from afar is some sort of elaborate avoidance or denial technique. maybe it is a safety precaution. maybe a self-defense mechanism. 

or maybe, maybe this is simply part of the process of attempting to become more aware of what is within perception. to watch it without driving it. to let go of the desire to control the actualization process.

so difficult to see, to fully understand and put into action this idea of letting go of the object of desire, while still being active. a shift in intention.

motivation is almost always based on outcome. the energy to continue fueled by the need to achieve a specific result. to find what is looked for, rather than discover what is.

posted by: limine at 19:07 | link | comments (5) |

Comments:

#1  22 April 2006 - 03:10

 

I've just read this through three times, pre-coffee, exhausted after a rare good night's sleep, and each time I read it differently and applied it differently to my current growth cycle.

You are f--in brilliant. I mean that.

InMyLife

#2  25 April 2006 - 05:14

 

This is my second attempt to leave a comment - oh, well.
"motivation is almost always based on outcome. the energy to continue fueled by the need to achieve a specific result. to find what is looked for, rather than discover what is." I think this is the way that most of us are today -maybe not just now.
And, I agree with IML - you're a great writer. Thanks.

mafidl

#3  25 April 2006 - 14:48

 

You are a great writer, i think you should rename your blog the Featured Post.
I dont know what it is about those black cats, they do have something special going for them.

rustymadgal

#4  28 April 2006 - 08:39

 

motivation is almost always based on outcome. the energy to continue fueled by the need to achieve a specific result. to find what is looked for, rather than discover what is.

It's the most elegant definition of a deadline that I've ever seen.

Yoshick

#5  02 May 2006 - 08:11

 

'motivation is almost always based on outcome. the energy to continue fueled by the need to achieve a specific result. to find what is looked for, rather than discover what is.'

Indeed!

Jackal

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